I’ll Never Not Remember You

by Nancy Carroll Lammie

I’m not sure if this essay is appropriate for a Publisher’s Note in a health care guide, but it seems to me that sooner or later, we are all confronted with death. I want to offer some random observations on a topic which might be a bit surprising in this space, but with the holidays coming up, I know there are others who will have an empty space at their Thanksgiving table and Christmas celebration. I imagine that these people are having similar feelings and can relate to my experience.

Do you take your loved one for granted?

I don’t know what your regrets are but for me one regret is taking people for granted. I wish I had taken the time to let my loved ones know how much they meant to me.  And then there is more guilt for all the things you think you should have done but didn’t. To this day I regret not visiting a relative who spent the last years of her life in a nursing home. So, if you have any family member, neighbor or friend who lives alone or lives at a senior living facility, please make the time to visit them or call them on the phone.

VITAS Healthcare made it all possible.

My husband’s final wish was to die at home. With the capable help of VITAS Healthcare and Ambulance and Chair EMS, we were able to grant him that wish. I wish more people understood that with the help of companies like VITAS it can be done. I can’t begin to express the gratitude that my family and I have for VITAS and the many excellent services they provided. I was surprised to learn from The National Hospice Foundation that research shows that of the 2.4 million Americans who die each year, fewer than 25% die at home. (To learn more about VITAS, call (412) 799-2101.)

Caregivers…

It is a blessing to take care of your loved ones. It is not a chore.  People are always capable of doing more than they think they can. I know for myself I would never have thought I would have been able to do it if you had asked me 20 years ago.

Remember to pray for those who have passed away

Thanks to my brother-in-law, Scott Lammie, it was especially nice to have the opportunity to attend a Memorial Mass and Remembrance for my husband at Duquesne University’s Chapel of the Holy Spirit, a beautiful campus.  President Ken Gormley and Fr. Ray French were extremely gracious and kind, as well as the other Board Members who attended Bob’s Mass. And thank you to the musician Libby Corbett who had a beautiful singing voice and Father who did wonderful job capturing the essence of my husband.

Never not remember you…

When one’s husband or partner dies, it’s easy to feel as if your life will never be the same.  The sadness, the tears will come at the most random times and in the solitude of your day.

I am not the type to feel sorry for myself. My father of 8 had told me one time if I start feeling sorry for myself to get busy. Not sure if this is good advice or not but my house is a lot cleaner.

But I know I am blessed because I have my faith in God and I have four grandchildren to keep me busy and give my life meaning. I look at my 6-year-old twins and 8-year-old-granddaughter in total awe and appreciation for what a miracle it is that they are even here. And Dominic, the eldest, was Bob’s best friend and Buddy!

Things I learned as a caregiver….

  • A long-term relationship with a primary care physician will  prevent hospital stays.

  • Thank you, Dr. Louis Komer, (PCP) and Dr. Christopher Faber (pulmonologist) for caring for Bob.  And thank you to the nurses and physicians at St. Clair Health for providing excellent care.

  • Take advantage of Home Healthcare Services  - PT, Nursing, OT, speech therapy - not enough people take advantage of these services. If you think your loved one can benefit from rehab or nursing care, ask your PCP for script. The UPMC Home Healthcare team in the South Hills area was superb and I will be forever grateful to Kelly, Amanda, Ray, Laura, Courtney, Renee, and Angie and the entire UPMC Home Care staff.

  • Medication Management systems, such as ACORX,will prevent errors and simplify the caregiver’s life. They prepackage and deliver monthly medications - made my life so much easier. Visit acorxpharmacy.com to learn more.

  • Reach out to family members, your local church, and neighbors. People want to support you so reach out and ask for the help you need. Having a nurse in the family as well is a vital resource you can use to call at all hours of the day!



If you have any additional advice for caregivers you would like to share with our readers, email goodhealthmag@aol.com



Last but not least, in the words of Cooper Alan.

“I’ll Not Remember You”

No matter where I go or what I do
I'll never not remember you
Thank God for all the memories
And pictures on my phone
They don't fill the empty
But I feel less alone

And I know you're with the angels
Right where you belong
'Cause you were one to us
You left a legacy of love

So I'll cry 'cause it's over
And smile because we had you
Packed a whole lot of living
Even though it ended all too soon
And in time, I'll start healing
But even when I get that feeling
No matter where I go or what I do
I'll never not remember you